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Post by Ferntrail on Jul 28, 2018 21:07:56 GMT -5
 my life was black and grey | until i saw you |
Bluepaw hadn’t expected herself to go looking for her half-brother so soon after the fight. She didn’t feel bad about ripping him to shreds, he had provoked her. But something had happened, something on accident. It was big news, very big, and she was scared. Despite their verbal and mental fight she really needed someone to talk to. Someone that was family, as she didn’t have any close girlfriends.
So the slender femme had forced herself to mingle with the Shadowclanners, on the lookout for her brother. She was holding herself carefully, a layer of anxiety over her bright eye. Her other eye, which was still squeezed shut hurt like hell. Never mind that, though. Her good eye was still enough to find her brother.
”Owlpaw? Owlpaw?” she called out. Her voice was scratchy, from no sleep. She couldn’t sleep, even though it was more important to take care of herself then ever.
The blue she-cat was obviously agitated and looking for him, she really needed to find him. Even if he didn’t want to talk to her, her news involved him and she knew he’d want to know... even if he didn’t act like it.
What had happened to her had been an accident but at the same time not really. She knew it could happen, just hadn’t expected to be foolish enough for it to happen. It was a horrible time for it to happen yet she didn’t have it in her to say that she’d change it. This changed her relationships in a good way (and bad) and saying that she didn’t want the ‘big news’ was like taking a step back. Bluepaw was trying to take steps forward.
So she continued to squint around with her good eye, trying to spot him.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2018 12:38:42 GMT -5
I said hey look ma, I made it. Since Owlpaws... "accident", the tan tabby had been staying quite close to Maplepaw. After witnessing the way his friend had shut down and closed herself off to reality, Owlpaw was reasonably nervous to leave the she-cat alone. Not to mention those damn, dirty rogues that had originally caused trouble and bit Maplepaw were still tagging along. How had Fallenfox allowed this to happen? Seriously! Someone should have told them to fuck off by now!
Hearing his name called, Owlpaw immediately slit his mint green eyes. That voice sounded awfully familiar, almost like it had come out of the same she-cats mouth he had just fought with the other day. The she-cat who had left her half-brother half dead and bleeding out in the middle of the forest after swiftly kicking him in the balls. But what would that she-cat want from him now? Hadn't she had enough fun with him?
Whispering something into Maplepaw's ear, Owlpaw trotted ahead as quickly as his sore muscles would allow. He scanned the crowds of cats around him, using his ripped up ears to guide him towards the voice calling his name. Parting through the cats, Owlpaw finally laid eyes on the she-cat calling for him, and immediately the tom was put into a sour mood as he sauntered over to Bluepaw.
"What the fuck do you want now, Bluepaw?" Owlpaw growled at the molly, his stance showing how on edge he was. He wasn't a very intimidating cat due to his small size, and his appearance was made even more laughable once you laid eyes on the cobwebs covering his body. He could tell something was wrong with Bluepaw, and if it weren't for the fact that she abandoned him in Shadowclan, he might actually be inclined to ask her what was wrong. However, right now all he wanted was for her to fuck off and leave him alone.
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Post by Ferntrail on Jul 30, 2018 13:27:36 GMT -5
my life was black and grey | until i saw you |
She spotted a figure coming towards her from her good eye, and turned her head to fully take him in. He was basically covered in cobwebs, head to toe, and she forced back a whistle. What had he expected when he tried to fight her? She was bigger and better trained. Maybe if they ever got over this she’d ask what was going through her head.
Her blue ears swivelled towards him as he growled. He sounded super pissed off. Was it from the verbal sparring, or the physical? Because the physical hadn’t been her fault, he had attacked her she hadn’t attacked him. Noticing just how stiff he was holding himself she flicked her long tail
”Relax” she debated adding brother to that sentence, but she knew that would piss him off and he’d probably leave. Inhaling and exhaling very slowly; trying not to aggravate the nick on her lip she looked at him
”I need to tell you something and it’s very important. Can you please, Owlpaw please listen” She couldn’t help but glance down to her paws, which was something that you barely saw Bluepaw do. It showed how nervous she was.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2018 17:58:25 GMT -5
I said hey look ma, I made it.
Owlpaw watched Bluepaws every movement very carefully, even through slitted eyes. Inside his head, he was warring with himself. Did he want to be here? Did he want to listen to what she had to say? Or did he just want to rip into her again? He didn't know! One thing was certain, though, and that was that Bluepaw was acting strangely. It wasn't like her to look down at her feet, it wasn't like her to say please. It was actually quite unnerving, but Owlpaw was struggling to overcome his anger.
"Why the fuck should I want to hear anything you have to tell me? I haven't exactly forgiven you, you know. You crossed a BIG line, and you damn well know it!" Owlpaw hissed under his breath at Bluepaw, his torn ears tilted back and resting along his skull. "I shouldn't even be here right now, you don't deserve my time after what you said. You aren't a sister of mine if you're willing to talk shit on my Momma." Anger practically radiated off of Owlpaw as he stared Bluepaw down, despite their laughable height difference. He fucking hated Bluepaw, he hated her. WHY was it so hard to hate her. He couldn't just walk away from her, even though he wanted to! "For fuck's sake," Owlpaw swore at himself. "Stop looking so pathetic and just tell me what's wrong! God, I hate you." 236 words
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Post by Ferntrail on Jul 30, 2018 18:10:55 GMT -5
my life was black and grey | until i saw you |
Bluepaw was willing to do anything to get him to listen. This involved him, that was her excuse. But deep down it was because she was afraid. She had told Maxie that it was okay, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t okay. She would fuck up somehow, or hurt them. She’d do everything wrong, she wasn’t ready. Just thinking about the future made her head spin, her breath becoming fast and sharp. She had to sit down, afraid she was going to fall over. Bluepaw had always managed to keep her anxiety under her paw, using training as a weapon to keep it down, but she couldn’t anymore. She was stupid, she was worthless, she was going to fuck up, she was going to ki-
It took a couple of deep breaths to calm herself, still staring at the ground. She was aware of him talking but couldn’t make out the words, but he wasn’t leaving so she decided he would hear her out. She opened her mouth, the words rushing out... but no sound. Okay, Bluepaw, you can do this
She raised her good eye to stare directly at him and just blurted the words out, shaking slightly
”Owlpaw, I’m pregnant”
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2018 11:55:38 GMT -5
I said hey look ma, I made it.
"You're... pregnant," Owlpaw repeated, his head dipping slightly as he extended his neck to give Bluepaw a judgemental look. He expected Bluepaw to burst out laughing, telling him it was 'all a joke' and that he was a 'gullible bitch', but... Bluepaw was shaking. Her expression held no trace of the usual cocky attitude she carried around with her.
Reigning himself back in, Owlpaw immediately raised a paw and rubbed at his face. He didn't want to deal with this right now, but Owlpaw knew he was the only family Bluepaw had. His stubbornness made him want to see her suffer the consequences of what she said and did to him, but that wasn't how you were supposed to treat family, right? Forgive and Forget, Tao, isn't that what is Momma had taught him?
Maybe it was time he finally started listening to that lesson.
"Bluepaw, what exactly am I supposed to do with this information? Even if I wanted to help you, and I'm not sure I even do," Owlpaw meowed, a stubborn glare directed at Bluepaw. "You left me. You left Shadowclan. I'm not going to go to Windclan for you. I'm Fallenstar's apprentice, for god's sake. What were you thinking? What's your plan? Do you even have one?" Now Owlpaws tone took on a judgemental tone as he searched Bluepaws face for answers. He only had one other question. "Who is the father? Is it at least a Windclanner?" 242 words
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Post by Ferntrail on Aug 1, 2018 1:49:23 GMT -5
my life was black and grey | until i saw you |
"p-r-e-g-n-a-n-t" She spelled it out slowly, more for her benefit than his. She was so fucking scared. She had thought she was scared when Leopardfang had chocked her, could of killed her. No, this was scary. It was a feeling of anxiety that would go away after a stroll through the forest, an anxiety that would follow her like a parasite.
She stared at him with her blue eye, not adding onto what she had told him. She didn’t know what else to say. She felt like screaming but screaming what, exactly? As he glared at her she glared right back before freezing up, dropping her gaze back to her paws. She listened to what he was saying and realized he had some points that were true. Didn’t make them any easier to comprehend.
”I’m sorry your Fallenstar’s apprentice if that’s what you're getting at” She instantly lashed out, feeling cornered and attacked. However, she regretted it and instantly blurted out ”I’m sorry, Owlpaw, I didn’t mean it” Stretching out her tail to rest it on his shoulder, then changing her mind and curling it around her paws.
”I’m not asking you to join Windclan, Windclan is my home, not yours” she had to stop to inhale and exhale, chest trembling. her fault, her fault, her fault. ”No, I don’t have a plan, It was an accident, Owlpaw” her voice was low but rose in panic at every word.
Keep it reigned in, keep it calm. At the father, she felt like she was being smacked in the face. But this was the one thing she was proud of, proud of being a loose word.
”He’s joining Windclan. His name is Maxie” eyes steely at this part, refusing to feel bad about it. But that cold streak in her faded as quickly as it came and she started shaking her head.
”Owlpaw you know better then anyone I had no parents. You said I was like our father and your right, I’m a horrible cat and I don’t deserve anyone, that my mother abandoned me because I was an awful kit. I can’t be a mother, I can’t look after these kits. It isn’t going to work out, Owlpaw. No one wanted me, these kits aren’t going to want me. I-I won't be able to handle it” She was a big, shaking mess. Her thoughts were blown out of proportion, all the spiteful things she had spat at her become the center of her world.
She couldn’t handle it, couldn’t handle her brain. She was going to go crazy, go insane.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 19, 2018 13:13:02 GMT -5
I said hey look ma, I made it.
Owlpaw quickly narrowed his eyes in frustration when Bluepaw immediately lashed out at him. "Being Fallenstars apprentice isn't the problem here, it's that you left." Owlpaw growled out in a low tone. Part of him felt like he didn't want to be angry at Bluepaw, but the other part of him was still pissed at what she had done and said just a few days ago!
For the second time in only a few minutes, Owlpaw was bringing his paw to scrub tiredly at his face, being extra careful to avoid the cobwebs that still covered the bridge of his nose as he dragged his paw from one eye socket and down his cheek. "An accident, of course." Owlpaw sighed loudly rather than growling. He wanted to continue to belittle Bluepaw, to tell her just how stupid this whole situation was and how she should have been more careful! But seeing her like this, full of fear and uncertainty... it was hard for him. They were close once.
"Does he know you're pregnant?" Owlpaw asked with a raised brow. "If neither of you want these kittens, and so help me one of you better be prepared to take care of them-" Owlpaw stopped for a moment to draw in a deep, calming breath through his nose. "If everything goes to shit, I will be there to take those kittens. I can say I found them in the forest, and I'll bring them back to Shadowclan and raise them myself. I will not allow my kin to suffer from your and "Maxies" incompetence." Owlpaw was once again glaring at Bluepaw, a look that expressed just how serious he was right now set in stone on his face. He wasn't ready to be a dad by any means, but he wouldn't allow cats who shared his blood to suffer. "There's nothing else I can do for you, Bluepaw. I can't offer you any help apart from this one promise." 327 words
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Post by Ferntrail on Aug 20, 2018 2:28:19 GMT -5
my life was black and grey | until i saw you |
”I left because I was suffocating Owlpaw. I left, because each day the urge to kill got stronger” She was shaking, she couldn’t help it. ”I was so pissed off all the time, I just wanted It to end” Her lips pursed together to keep them from trembling ”Maybe I took the cowards way out, but I also took the good way out” She didn’t seem at all bothered she had admitted it, it was true.
She hadn’t killed since her first few days into apprentice-hood, but the option was always right there. The darkness that had crept deep into her bones was trying to twist her into doing bad, bad things. Bluepaw was doing everything to try and calm the darkness but she liked it! It was fun and dangerous. It felt like she was tiptoeing on ice… and it was exhilarating.
Bluepaw was offended at ‘an accident, of course’ but didn’t say anything. He was trying his hardest and he didn’t have too. He was doing it for her… or the kits, who knew? Maybe himself, maybe his values. The more important fact was that he was trying. So she’d try as well. Try as much as she could.
A snort found it’s way out of her before she could stop it ”Trust me when I say he knows, he’s more experienced in that then me” she couldn’t help but feel slightly embarrassed as she tried explaining it to Owlpaw. She had never been taught anything about it and had just gleaned everything from older warriors. Thus she rarely talked about it and just found it damn embarrassing!
”I want the kittens, Owlpaw… I’m not here because I don’t them, I want them and so does Maxie- but he doesn’t know me, Owlpaw. Doesn’t really know my bad side. Doesn’t know all the bad things I have done” He actually knew most of her past, just nothing of the recent moons. ”The problem is-“ she broke off to take a calming breath ”But I-I’m going crazy, or I am crazy. There are just so many demons Owlpaw, I don’t know when I’m going to break. I’m going to break, maybe tomorrow, maybe in a few moons. I-I just don’t want my ba-abies to be caught in the crossfire” It felt like her heart was splintering, behind chopped in half.
She knew she sounded crazy but she didn’t care. She just wanted Owlpaw to understand that maybe not right when they are born but at some point, he would have to look after them. And she was so pathetic to dump all of this on him… but she had no one else. She then shut up to listen to him, her worried expression falling into one of pure exhaustion and relief. ”Thank you, Owlpaw, thank you” She tried to stop the sob from catching her words but she still sounded like a blubbering fool.
”You can do one more thing for me-for them” she suddenly surged forward, face nearly smashing into his. Her wounds were quite gruesome up close but nothing new. Her urgent voice was the clearest it had been since the start of their competitions ”My kits cannot grow up without parents. It fucked me up, I don’t want that to happen to them. When-If they go to you, they need a mum. I don’t care who you're with at the time… but please make it someone good. M-maybe even Maplepaw. I know you and her both think I hate her, but she’s a good cat, Owlpaw”
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Post by Deleted on Aug 21, 2018 19:06:37 GMT -5
I said hey look ma, I made it.
And... there Bluepaw went again, being overdramatic to cover her poor life decisions. Bluepaw was moody, she could be a bitch, but Owlpaw didn't believe his half-sister was a killer. Owlpaw simply shook his head in annoyance at the she-cats ramblings. Whatever you say, Bluepaw. That wouldn't be the first excuse I've heard today.
"What's that supposed to mean?" The Shadowclan apprentice asked with a raised brow as Bluepaw started talking about her boyfriends experiences. "Is he a whore who can't stop fucking any she-cat who walks by him? Has he knocked up other cats who haven't even finished their training yet?" Owlpaw fixed Bluepaw with an unamused stare, he knew his words were harsh and would probably cut her deep, but... he still thought she deserved it after what she said to him. "Maxie doesn't exactly sound like father material, Bluepaw. You're falling for the same mistakes our poor Mommas did. Let's just hope he actually sticks around unlike daddy dearest."
"Woah, slow down," Owlpaw meowed as Bluepaw began to bring up all her so-called demons. "I don't know exactly what's gotten into you, but you need to figure this shit out soon. You won't have the luxury to put yourself first for much longer. I don't care what you have to do- if you have to ignore your training until those kittens are born, you're going to come to terms with whatever it is you've done." Rolling his neck, Owlpaw fixed his half-sister with an almost bored stare. "Forgive yourself and all that shit, you know?" The tomcat flicked his bent paw a few times, almost like he was waving off the advice he was giving Bluepaw because he found it lame, no matter how true it was. "You never hear of cats talk about how great their Momma was if she was always off, isolating herself because she couldn't get over her past."
Despite the toms best efforts, his expression softened and his shoulders sagged as Bluepaw was unable to hold back a cry. She was really worried about her future- her kits futures. This was a side of Bluepaw he had never seen. Letting a sigh pass from his lips, Owlpaw offered his half-sister the tiniest smile. "Maybe, just maybe, you'll be a good mother." Dropping his city cat dialect and using the more common word amongst Clan cats, Owlpaw stood and cuffed a paw around Bluepaws neck, effectively forcing the two of them into an embrace. Maybe he could forgive Bluepaw for the shit she did, too. After all, he really was the only family she had left.
It seemed like as soon as Owlpaw released the she-cat and settled back onto his haunches, Bluepaw had rushed forward again with such haste that their muzzles almost smacked together. Blinking back his surprise at Bluepaws sudden plea before feeling embarrassment heat up his face. Maplepaw? Acting as their mother?! Maplepaw wasn't- He wasn't- they weren't- ugh! Owlpaw fluffed up his short coat in embarrassment as he attempted to laugh off the suggestion. "Oh, knock that shit off! You might be the best mother in Windclan, and Maplepaw and I are just friends, anyway." Clearing his throat, Owlpaw attempted to relax back into the... previous conversation. "Don't worry, I'll take care of them if the time comes. I promise." 552 words
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Post by Ferntrail on Aug 25, 2018 3:41:57 GMT -5
let go of the light | fall into the dark side |
Bluepaw scowled at Owlpaw, although that just seemed to be one of her average faces. ”He’s had a mate before” Maxie had explained his former wife to her, grief still written over his features. The molly had been crushed by a car after chucking her son out of the way and Bluepaw could only hope her loyalty would be that deep. She flinched back at the last bit, teeth glinting off the snow as she bared them at him.
”I’m 18 moons, Owlpaw” she said with lethal quietness, a sudden roll of power strengthening her voice. Then it flooded from her at what he said next, just giving him a weary smile ”At least we know that my mother passed on some of her traits to me, let’s hope you don’t get any of fathers” she wasn’t accusing him, or trying to be rude, she truly didn’t want him to be like their father. Bluepaw was already too much like their father for her to cope.
The blue femme shook her head at him, eyes blank. She built walls up fast, to keep her expression from displaying her disappointment, stupid hurt. He didn’t understand, of course, he didn’t. They may be half-siblings but Bluepaw had no one, no one that knew what she was going through. She had been naïve to think her kin would have. ”Ignore what training, Owlpaw? Everyone keeps telling me to put all of my restlessness into training, hunting. Owlpaw, I’m 18 moons” she repeated ”I’ve done every fucking sparring move, illegal and legal. I’ve caught every type of prey, I’ve been around the border too many times for me to count” She couldn’t help the rising anger, anger and plain boredom ”I have no training to do, nothing that apprentice hood can give me”
Her chin tucked into her chest as she took calming breaths, spitting her head off to Owlpaw wasn’t helping anything. ”I’ll t-try, I have a few moons, I promise I’ll try Owlpaw” she exhaled ”I’m going to have to tell everyone”
She had lulled into silence until she jerked her head up to look at him through slitted eyes ”You really think so?” as he drew them together into an embrace, she pressed her grey nose against his shoulder. She inhaled his scent. He smelt the same as always, except-except Maplepaw’s scent was definitely entwined with his. Owlpaw was hers. Her kin.
Her tears were dried up as she surveyed him with sly eyes, aww he was so cute! Him and Maplepaw would make a cute couple. Even cuter kits. She gave him a conspirators wink ”I’m sure it won't stay that way forever” she paused, her expression melting into one of gratefulness, something that had probably never happened before. ”Thank you, Owlpaw” she then glanced down her slender chest to look at her skinny stomach, it hadn’t been long enough to start putting on weight ”This is the worst time to have them, Owlpaw” not complaining… just stating a fact.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 3, 2018 0:05:18 GMT -5
I said hey look Ma, I made it. "Being eighteen moons means nothing, Bluepaw." Owlpaw suddenly snapped at his half-sister, feeling his own irritation rise alongside hers. "You can tell me over and over how you've trained your paws off every day since you were six moons old, but until a leader has given you your warrior name it means nothing. Your training isn't done until a respectable cat gives you permission to be done." To cats who knew Owlpaws history, this sudden flare of anger might be surprising to some. It wasn't a secret that he hadn't been born in Shadowclan, in fact, he had no Clan blood in his veins. Yet the words that fell from his lips would show just how much he had committed to his new direction in life. He spoke with such honest conviction that it was almost like he hadn't joined the Clan at five months old, but rather he was born and raised inside Shadowclans marshlands.
Allowing himself to draw in a deep breath from his nose, Owlpaw exhaled a cloud of mist into the air above his head. He took Bluepaws sudden change of topic as an apology and simply nodded his head, allowing his temper to diminish like an open flame being doused in water. The stress of this unexpected was just getting to them both, that's all. He just... had to remain calm and try not to get angry at his sister.
Owlpaw found himself quickly returning to his flustered state as Bluepaw once again brought up him and Maplepaw. He shot her a glare that said he was denying everything but otherwise kept his jaw clamped shut as Bluepaw continued to speak. After all, she seemed... more at ease now, which would in turn cause Owlpaw to loosen the tension in his shoulders. The tabby found his gaze following Bluepaws as the near warrior aged she-cat looked down at her stomach and he felt his chest tighten in uncertainty. He nodded his head stiffly, hoping Bluepaw hadn't caught the awkward movement.
"We all know prey is hard to find right now, but honestly, our chances are better than they've been since leaf-bare began," Owlpaw stated, his gaze traveling away from Bluepaws flat stomach and back to her face. "The Clans are working together now, even if it's admittedly regrettably by most. Also, the cats you tell your situation too will probably be more likely to hunt for you, and I'll be there to help until we have to... separate." Owlpaw closed his statement with an awkward shuffle of his paws. They both knew the reality of the situation. Owlpaw could help her while it was acceptable for him to, but once they journey was over... Bluepaw and "Maxie" would be on their own. There was only so much he could do, his paws were tied.
Damn it, Bluepaw. Owlpaw inwardly cursed. Why did you have to leave now? 482 words |
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Post by Ferntrail on Sept 4, 2018 4:17:53 GMT -5
let go of the light | fall into the dark side |
Bluepaw admired Owlpaw. She hated him for his unconditional loyalty to Shadowclan, but she loved and respected him for it just as much. It was granted for them to have different opinions, so she didn’t agree with all that he said about have a respectable cat’s permission, but she understood where it was coming from. Something she would never admit to him, something she was barely admitting to herself.
She wasn’t trying to grow as a person, but whatever good part of her conscious was left was rubbing off on her. Her good eye looked him up and down. When he grew up he’d be a good man, he’d be everything she wasn’t. Maybe that was for the best, otherwise, it’d be very boring whenever they met up… But just like the small, good part of her mind was influencing her, her much darker part was too.
Was it hate or envy she associated with Owlpaw? Envy, mixed with bitter disappointment – in herself – Bluepaw and Owlpaw both had shit pasts, and Bluepaw had let hers shape her, make her. Owlpaw hadn’t let that happen, he’d stayed true to what he believed in. For that, she hated herself… and him for being a reminder. A reminder of the fact she was just like their dad like he had pointed out. That she was the bad and he was the good.
Off topic, off topic, Bluepaw. Stay on track She suddenly jolted upright, blinking at him. Shit, she needed to stay focused more. ”If we are lucky the prey will start to come more while we traveling… and if it doesn’t, then the chances are the snow doesn’t end, at least not close enough for us to walk too” It was the truth. If there was no light at the end of this tunnel, the clans were doomed.
”I ask you to break no laws, and neither will I, but if you want to meet these kits if everything goes well for me… Then you can, Owlpaw.” she breathed the words out quietly. Staying in Shadowclan was probably the smarter option, but maybe the open moorland they would hopefully find would clear her head.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2018 13:22:14 GMT -5
I said hey look Ma, I made it. "The snow has to end eventually," Owlpaw meowed in response, his gaze flicking away as he looked off into the tree-lined distance. "I'll walk until I can't walk anymore, I didn't leave the city just to die in an unknown forest." Bringing his gaze back to Bluepaw, the Shadowclan apprentice offered her a small smile. "I might just have to take you up on that offer because you're having those kits. You may be a bitch, but you're a stubborn bitch and nothing is going to stop you from doing what you know is best for them. I just hope Maxie isn't an ugly bastard who passes his genes down to them."
Shooting Bluepaw a playful wink, Owlpaw rose to his feet. "Anyway, I need to get going. If any cat notices I'm gone for much longer they're going to think I've gotten into another fight, and I don't need Marigoldpelt lecturing me about stressing these wounds again." Stopping to press his noses to Bluepaws cheek, Owlpaw tried to offer her some comfort. "I'll be back later tonight probably, once I've managed to find something you can eat. Until later, Bluepaw."
Turning from his half-sister, Owlpaw began to trek back through the snow. He'd have to tell Maplepaw about this, less his friend began asking him why he was taking the prey he caught over to Windclans group. He didn't need Maplepaw thinking he was growing close to the other Clan. No, there was only one Windclan cat Owlpaw cared for, and he hoped she'd come home soon. 258 words
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