I Know I'm a Bad Mother, Don't Remind Me (Soot & Viper)

[Vipernose]

Vipernose

Gray paws trudged through the snow as Vipernose looked around solemnly. As the journey had continued on through the days, every cat seemed to be happy. Except her. The tabby could feel nothing but sadness and failure. The feather behind her ear suddenly felt heavy, and she couldn't take her mind off of it. She had let down her mate, and she knew that Sootkit was miserable.

Her daughter needed her mother, but Vipernose was afraid. She was scared that if she tried to talk to Sootkit, she would feel bad for herself and take it all out on the poor she-kit. The molly had been listening to the other cats talk ever since her conversation with Otterkit, and she had only heard rumors and gossip about a kit who was alone in the journey. A kit who had been injured recently, but had no parents to care for her. Vipernose instantly knew that it was Sootkit, and she had quickly fell to the back of group of cats, trying to hide the tears building in her eyes.

The tabby's amber eyes were distant as she padded through the freezing white powder. No matter how frightened she was, Vipernose knew she needed to find her child. She quickened her pace and pushed past cats, trying to find her.

"Sootkit! Sootkit?" she called. The cats around her stared at the deputy with questioning looks, but she ignored them. She needed to find Sootkit.

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"I thought nothing good would ever happen to me-that I was in hell after it froze over, thawed, and then burnt to the ground."

MADE BY VEL OF GS AND ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0

[Deleted]

SootKit's ears pricked as she heard her name called. Her heart sank in her chest the second she recognized her mother's voice. "Momma?" she replied, her ears flat and her eyes full of shame as she went towards the sound. She wanted to get the argument over with. Her mother rarely talked to her, so it must have been the deputy, not her mother, coming to yell at her for her fight with another kitten. "M-momma I'm sorry, I know I did something bad, b-but I couldn't help it! No one c-can say such mean things about you! About us!" she whimpered as she went to her mother's side, tears starting to form in her eyes, a few new scratches painting her small, thin body.

[Vipernose]

Vipernose

The silver tabby's eyes dulled as her daughter walked up to her, with her ears glued to the back of her head in shame and a sad look on her face. Vipernose knew that Sootkit thought she was about to be lectured. That's all the molly did with her kit these days... Lecture. And was Vipernose ashamed? Most definitely.

Her heart broke and then shattered into a million pieces at Sootkit's words. The deputy hadn't heard of the this fight that the kit spoke of, but she didn't care about that part. She only cared about why Sootkit put up a fight.

"Oh, Sootkit..." Vipernose said, approaching her kitten, dreading the possibility of her flinching away from her own mother. The she-cat wouldn't blame Sootkit, though. Vipernose deserved it. "I'm not mad at you! I'm so sorry. I have been a terrible mother, Sootkit. Don't feel bad for yourself. It's all my fault." The tabby refused the urge to break eye contact, although she knew that her daughter would not feel very comfortable under her gaze. She needed to give Sootkit her full attention.

Vipernose sighed in relief as the she-kit ran to her side, but her relief vanished as tears filled her little kitten's eyes. As her amber orbs skimmed over Sootkit's form, a small angry flame blossomed in the molly's chest, but she hid it away for another time. Sootkit needed her mother, not a pissed off, helpless cat.

"Sootkit, darling," Vipernose tried her best to soothe her daughter, but immediately regretted the pet name. She didn't deserve to call her child that. But she would do anything to make Sootkit feel a little better. "Do you want to talk about it? What did they say about us?" The tabby wrapped her paw around Sootkit, attempting to comfort her.

_____________________________________________

"I thought nothing good would ever happen to me-that I was in hell after it froze over, thawed, and then burnt to the ground."

MADE BY VEL OF GS AND ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0

[Deleted]

SootKit's eyes seemed to widen when ViperNose called herself a terrible mother, and they quickly welled with tears. "M-Mommy.." her voice cracked, "I fought them for you... you're not bad..." she whimpered, struggling to fight tears as she looked into her mother's eyes, "Th-they were saying mean stuff about us... t-that you didn't love me... th-they were telling daddy you've got somebody else momma..." she began to sob, her small, frail body quivering, "I-It's not true... I know it's not..!"

[Vipernose]

Vipernose

Vipernose watched as Sootkit's eyes widened at her words, but she didn't take them back. It was true; she had let her kit down, and she felt like Sootkit's affection was something that she shouldn't have.

"Sootkit..." she said almost disapprovingly. "You shouldn't have hurt yourself for me." Tears welled up in Vipernose's eyes as she listened to Sootkit. You're not bad...' Yes she was.

The tabby's mouth fell open at Sootkit's story. They told her daughter that she was cheating on Ravenfoot? Oh, hell no, her mind growled. Whoever this kit is is going to get their ass whipped. Vipernose's muzzle scrunched in disgust and anger. "It's not true," she insisted even though it sounded like she was lying. "I swear on my life that I'd never do something like that, Sootkit." The molly watched helplessly as her kit sobbed, and her heart twisted in her chest.

Vipernose closed her eyes, holding back the waterfall of tears. "I'm so sorry, Sootkit," she whispered to her remaining kitten. The deputy tried hard not to collapse in the snow and emotionally fall apart in from of Sootkit, and nearly failed multiple times. "I shouldn't have treated you like I did. I'm sorry."

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"I thought nothing good would ever happen to me-that I was in hell after it froze over, thawed, and then burnt to the ground."

MADE BY VEL OF GS AND ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0

[Deleted]

"Promise?" the small kitten's voice cracked, her body shaking as if she was feeling an earthquake. It wasn't hard to make her shake, seeing as the kitten wasn't well balanced on her injured leg, and she was thinner than a snake, but she usually tried to keep herself steady. ViperNose's tone didn't help, her mind was rushing with worried, almost frightened thoughts as she quickly nuzzled her head to her mother's chest, "Don't be sorry momma... I.. I'm sure it wasn't on purpose..." she mumbled, "A-and I still love you! I'm okay..mostly.... and daddy's always telling me about you, so it's kinda like you're right there!"

[Vipernose]

Vipernose

The tabby's heart broke again; she was so overwhelmed with fear and anger and love and failure. She didn't know if she could handle promising Sootkit something and then breaking the promise. But she knew she would never cheat on her mate or turn her back on her daughter. She knew that she could promise something like that. She knew that, out of all the promises she could make, that would be the easiest to keep. "I promise," Vipernose meowed, touching her nose to Sootkit's. 

She hated seeing Sootkit shake... It made Vipernose feel scared. It made her think that her kit could collapse and die any second and it would be her fault. As Sootkit nuzzled into her chest, all thoughts of death were lost, and the deputy purred. She hadn't purred like this in a long while... She loved to feel her kit's affection, even if Vipernose felt that she shouldn't have it. 

"I would never neglect you on purpose, Sootkit." She blinked her amber orbs a few times. "But I'll try to never leave you alone again... Maybe you could even help me make some deputy decisions." Vipernose smiled warmly at her kitten, truly meaning it. She wanted to be better for Sootkit, and she would start trying now. 

The gray and black molly put a paw around Sootkit, giving her a hug with as much love as she could conjure up. "I love you too," she purred. "But I want you to be completely okay. Not just mostly. I want to make you happy." Vipernose closed her eyes again. "And I want to really be right there when Daddy's telling you about me." She wanted to change for Sootkit and Ravenfoot's own good. She didn't want to feel like she was ignoring them anymore.

_____________________________________________

"I thought nothing good would ever happen to me-that I was in hell after it froze over, thawed, and then burnt to the ground."

MADE BY VEL OF GS AND ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0

[Deleted]

The small kitten stared at her mother, feeling her heart flutter at the thought of getting to see her mother all the time, "Y-you mean it momma?" she asked, hope in her voice as she cuddled up close against her fur. SootKit's body was so thin her bones were easily felt, but she didn't care. All negative thought was gone from her mind, if only for a moment, "I promise I'll do good!" she smiled, "I'll be the.. the bestest helper ever!"

[Vipernose]

Vipernose

"I mean it with all my heart, love." Vipernose purred, nuzzling Sootkit. She wished that she would've never left her daughter alone, that she would've never thought that it was okay. It was never okay. It could've never been okay if it had continued.

The tabby tried very hard not to think about how skinny Sootkit was, and somehow she managed to. It made Vipernose feel even worse. She should've been finding food for her instead of thinking about herself the whole time. She was an awful mother, and she was so thankful that her kit had forgiven her.

The deputy grinned. "I know you will. You'll be better than I could've ever been." Vipernose snuggled into Sootkit, pouring all her love into the kitten. "I love you, Sootkit. With my whole heart. More than anything. Never forget that, okay?"

_____________________________________________

"I thought nothing good would ever happen to me-that I was in hell after it froze over, thawed, and then burnt to the ground."

MADE BY VEL OF GS AND ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0

[Deleted]

SootKit smiled up at ViperNose, "I wont, and I love you too momma!" she purred, but in her heart she felt a pang of sorrow. The way ViperNose spoke made it sound as if she were leaving again, with no intent of coming back. All the past tense, and asking her to never forget her love, made her heart ache and flutter at the same time. The small silver tabby's mind began to wander to her sister, the sister who had promised to come back soon before leaving and never coming back, or the sister whose last words she ever heard was "I love you" before her death. Sootkit couldn't help the subtle quiver that she gave as she nuzzled into ViperNose's chest, closing her eyes to hide the tears forming within them, "I love you more than anythin, momma..." she murmured softly before growing silent.

[Vipernose]

Vipernose

Vipernose grinned down at her kitten, happier than she had been in a long while. She could tell Sootkit was thinking and worried about something, and that slightly concerned the tabby, but the sweetness of the moment distracted Vipernose.

She nuzzled impossibly closer to Sootkit, but that didn't help her not notice the kit's shiver. The deputy's ears folded down on the back of her head, and she tried to ignore the fear radiating off of Sootkit. She was trying so very hard, but it was just too much to forget about just like that.

Vipernose rested her muzzle between Sootkit's ears, inhaling her daughter's scent and exhaling her worries. "I know," she whispered. "I know you do. That's why I love you." Vipernose left her nose where it was for awhile, concentrating on breathing in and out.

_____________________________________________

"I thought nothing good would ever happen to me-that I was in hell after it froze over, thawed, and then burnt to the ground."

MADE BY VEL OF GS AND ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0

[Deleted]

The small tabby closed her eyes, giving a subtle purr at her mother's warmth. For a moment she was still, thinking of nothing but ViperNose's soft fur. She finally opened her eyes when her mother spoke, a small smile spreading on the kitten's lips, "Momma?" she asked, smiling, her joy on full display

[Vipernose]

Vipernose

The molly closed her eyes and basked in the moment. She enjoyed the feeling or Sootkit's purr rumbling against and through her body, and she found herself wishing this moment would last forever.

At her daughter's small and soft voice, Vipernose lifted her head and looked down at the kit, an eyebrow raised. She couldn't help but wonder what Sootkit would ask... Sometimes the things that came out of her kitten's mouth were a little unexpected.

The she-cat relaxed her slightly tensed muscles at the happiness radiating off of Sootkit, immediately knowing that it was nothing bad. "Yes?" she asked, her voice holding a questioning tone.

_____________________________________________

"I thought nothing good would ever happen to me-that I was in hell after it froze over, thawed, and then burnt to the ground."

MADE BY VEL OF GS AND ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0

[Deleted]

SootKit gave Vipernose's chest a little lick, purring, "When we gonna see daddy? He keeps runnin off!" she playfully complained, tail swishin, "He keeps tellin me he's huntin foxes, but he hasn't caught a single one!"

[Vipernose]

Vipernose

Vipernose wasn't expecting that. Sootkit did sometimes say things that you wouldn't think she would. For a moment, the tabby believed it, and she nearly panicked. Hunting foxes? she had thought. Why the hell is Ravenfoot hunting foxes?

But now she understood, and she almost laughed aloud. Her mate had made up a story to tell Sootkit so he wouldn't have to tell her the truth. But that only got Vipernose wondering... Why was Ravenfoot running off? When he did things like this, it wasn't good. Something was up with him. She would have to find him and ask him later. 

Realizing that she had completely zoned out in front of Sootkit, she blinked and straightened a little. "I don't know when we'll see him again," Vipernose admitted. "But I'll make sure we get to talk to him soon, alright, love?" She said it genuinely, meaning every word. She would find and talk to her mate, and she would make sure that her daughter got to see him soon. The molly smiled down at her kit, happy that she had made things right and would continue to do so.
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"I thought nothing good would ever happen to me-that I was in hell after it froze over, thawed, and then burnt to the ground."

MADE BY VEL OF GS AND ADOXOGRAPHY 2.0